I have been serving in the Primary Presidency as the Secretary since about October. I have loved serving in this calling and have found that it's tested my organizational skills. Keeping track of 100+ children is quite a daunting task. I have loved the women I've served with and I have learned so much from them.
About two weeks ago I received shocking news. The current Primary President in our ward was being released and I was called to be the new Primary President. I did not see this coming. When the calling was extended to me my jaw kind of dropped and I had to laugh. All that ran through my mind was all the reasons I wasn't the right person for this calling. I couldn't understand why the Lord felt I was the right person for this job. I didn't feel I had anything to offer and certainly didn't think I would be able to handle the stress of keeping up with my own household and overseeing all the youth organizations under the Primary umbrella.
I can't teach these children. I can't take care of my family and do this too. I can barely keep up with my own life let alone 100 children in our primary. I can't, I can't, I can't.
Needless to say I have been praying A LOT the last few weeks to get some sense of peace and confirmation that I was right for this calling and that I could do it. Boy have I learned a lot about myself and I have come to know that even though there are a lot of things I can't do, I am going to focus on the things that I can do. For once I was going to stop focusing on the part of my glass that was empty and start looking at the part of my glass that was full. Instead of saying can't, here are the things I can do.
I can pray for the Lord's help.
I can call great counselors to help me in this effort.
I can have faith that me and my presidency will do what's best for the children with the Lord's guidance.
I can teach these children to love the gospel.
I can show these children my love for them.
I can bear my testimony to the children.
I can help them feel the influence of the Holy Ghost.
I can be organized.
I can ask for help.
I can learn from my mistakes.
It's okay that I'm not perfect. I can learn from this experience and grow as a person.
I can step out of my comfort zone.
Most importantly I'm not alone and I don't have to do it all myself.
I guess if Joseph Smith was able to restore the gospel beginning at the age of 14, I can perform my calling as the new Primary President for the Nazareth ward.
I'm grateful for these last two weeks. I've been relying on prayer way more than I have in a long time and I have been searching the scriptures more faithfully because of this calling. I have had such strong experiences letting me know that my Father in Heaven loves me and He loves the children of the Nazareth ward. I've been reminded that the Lord is aware of my personal circumstances and He is there for me. I have received several confirmations that I can perform this calling and it is where I am supposed to be. It's amazing to me that when I least expected something like this to happen is when I'm realizing I've needed it the most. The Lord knows me better than I know myself and I am grateful for that knowledge. The best part of this entire experience is that I have noticed a decrease in contention and negativity in my home and more peace and harmony. My cup runneth over already.
Wish me luck! It won't be easy, but it WILL be worth it.
6 comments:
You'll do a great job!
Okay, what an OVERWHELMING calling! That being said, Ashley...you really will do an amazing job! You are so great with kids, have such fabulous ideas of how to teach principles in a fun way for kids to absorb, and you have such a beautiful spirit about you that the kids will definitely feel it. I get the anxiety, especially with balancing a young family and demands of such a calling, but you shouldn't doubt that you will be fantastic!!! Good luck.
LOVE YOU!!!
Greetings, Madame President:
Heavenly Father certainly knows his children. You will do an excellent job!
Love you, Mom R.
Well as inadequate as you may feel, I just so happen to think you are the perfect person for this calling. Funny how people think differently. :) If you don't want to get called to stuff like this, you should probably stop excelling at everything you do. :) And when you ARE feeling inadequate, just take a minute and think, "Do I feel inadedequate because I truly don't think I can do a good job, or because I may not always have the time to give it the 250% that I want to..." Because sometimes 100% (or even 75%) is okay. What can I say, I know you!
P.S. So much for being Primary Secretaries. It was good while it lasted eh? I just got released too, to be RS 1st counselor. Yikes! I think I'll take it over your calling though!!!
Ash, this brought tears to my eyes. I seriously see you as so perfect for this. You are AMAZING! You are so creative, hard-working, and full of love!! It is such a comfort to know that you can have counselors supporting you as well as, of course, Heavenly Father. You will be awesome. Primary is so the best place to be in the church!
Thanks everyone for believing in me! Stephanie- you know me too well. And thanks for your comment. I definitely will be asking myself that question a lot because I'm sure one thing I do need to learn is to give myself a break now and then.
RS first counselor! You'll do great!
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